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Enter the world of House Not So Beautiful where dirt and chaos reign supreme. Learn to live with things rather than fix them, put repairs off rather than face them. This parody will not help put things away, but will help put them in their proper and humorous perspective.


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Copyright © 2013 by Marjorie Dorfman.
All rights reserved.


DirecTVDVR Genie: So Much More Than A Lamp and Three Wishes
by Marjorie Dorfman

There was a time when the words, genie and television, used to conjure images of a pretty blonde lady in harem pants who every Saturday night on the NBC network would emerge from a lamp to grant her master's every wish. But not even a 2,000-year-old, adorable genie could envision the advances in modern technology; how far we have come, where we are and even where we might be headed, which is hopefully not somewhere we will collide with another hi tech, free-thinking universe.

In this dynamic world, a home is a haven, our sort of soft place to fall, where we divert ourselves from everything we had to do to buy (or rent) and maintain this home in the first place. Entertainment is one grand diversion, and state-of-the-art home entertainment centers make our lives more enjoyable and easier, albeit more complicated, depending how quickly we can make decisions.

The capabilities of the appliances and gadgets we purchase for our homes sometimes border on the incredible. Forget about just opening cans or car doors; now you can get a machine that can probably even tie your shoelaces (although I would check them before I walked a single step). Complications arise, however, when there are too many options. Remember that old movie, If This Is Tuesday, It Must Be Belgium? The characters traveled to so many places in so little time that they weren't sure where they were at any given moment.

With the Genie from, you can record any five shows at the same time, all in HD. Does anyone really think that this lessens conflicts? There are those who walk masked among us who believe it only increases them. How many of us (hands up, please) can't decide what to watch on one television with many channels, just two people and one remote?

The secret to the power of Direct TV's Genie lies in a strange phenomenon known as RVU technology. This is a mysterious acronym, which refers to a software technology built into the Genie that allows enabled televisions to be connected without additional receivers. If this definition isn't clear, you probably have more issues with technology than you were previously aware of.

There's another predicament that you simply have to face. How do you put this monster together? Some of the instructions are so complicated that a person with several degrees could spend days and even weeks using up vacation time crouched in the living room trying to figure out what goes where and why.

Different colors help, but they are not enough. I am reminded here of a short story written decades ago by humorist, S. J. Perelman, which concerned a holiday present he once bought for his children and the subsequent incomprehensible assembly instructions. The title of the tale says it all: Insert Flap A And Throw Away.

The moral of the story is that whatever you paid or are about to pay for your high-tech, state-of the-art home entertainment center, you better figure in the additional cost of hiring someone to help you put the damn thing together. (I personally would make my purchase some time in the summer so I would have until the holidays to figure things out and straighten everything up for arriving guests.)

No matter how long it may take, the Genie Whole-Home HD DVR setup is worth the effort. Heretofore unimagined possibilities await you (as is the case with the assembly process). If you have multiple televisions, you can actually have this incredible service in every single room of your home without needing a separate receiver in each room. (If you live in one room, simply multiply by the number of walls you have).

installer for your homeWhatever you decide, enjoy your new entertainment center but remember that the final goal is peace and household harmony at any cost.

For your home or as gifts

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